Ah, Christmas.

A long time ago, my favorite day of the year. Now, just another day, but with more driving than usual. When my mom died, whatever leftover feelings that I still had for Christmas died with her.

My mom died on Dec 22nd 2010. This is my second Christmas without her.

The only thing that I feel is a hollow ache inside. Nothing is ever going to fill that, there aren’t any comforting words that I can read, or that people can tell me.

It is what it is, and I just deal and trudge on.

What I want out of life isn’t what most of my friends or family want; What they want won’t satisfy the thing that drives me.

My mom understood that about me.

I’m not saying that I’m better, or smarter, or more creative. Just different. To be honest, I don’t even believe that achieving my goals will bring me any happiness.

Achieving my goals will bring me a certain satisfaction, though.

I think that’s better.